mixed emotions

Well, today was my birthday. I really have had some mixed up emotions today. I enjoyed getting my way all day - I had Starbucks for breakfast and Cheesecake Factory for dinner, and I listened to up beat songs on the ol'ipod and bossed my hubby around. But I've been sad too. There was a death in my family over the weekend. It's really weighing heavy on my mind. It's so odd that all day I had this terrible sadness sitting next to the joy of being alive. After all, isn't that what birthday is? It's a celebration of life. So I mourned and I celebrated. A very confusing grown-up birthday. And I won't even get into the age thing! I'm not excited to be a year older either. Maybe if I were in a different place in life, I'd be fine with it. But I don't have my career going again, I don't own a home or have a baby on the way. I feel like I'm behind schedule. I'm working on it though so I don't have any regrets. What a weird day - good thing it only comes once a year.