horrors of speeches

I hate giving speeches. I hate talking in front of groups of people. I hate the blood pressure rise, the pounding in my chest, my stomach hits the floor and I feel like my mind goes for a stroll and leave my body on it's own to fend for itself. In short, I hate giving speeches.

BUT professors - and more specifically my T.A. - don't care about my aversion. All quarter long, my persuasive writing class has been building up to us giving 5-6 minute speeches. Mine was today. I should have practiced Sunday... or Monday... or last night. I just couldn't face it. So I ended up practicing it this morning at 8 am just before class. I'm not good with writing tons down so I thought it would be better "off the cuff." Well in my one and only practice run this morning, my speech ran 20 minutes long. That of course is WAY too long. I think I ended up jabbering on for about 6 minutes during the actual speech, but I had to skip so many talking points that I don't think I did a very good job. PLUS I'm not even sure which points I skipped since my brain went to lunch during the whole thing. Sure my lips were moving, my hands were gesturing but I have no idea what I actually said. The only thing I'm sure of is that my jokes (the only two I tried) didn't go over and shook my confidence even more.

At least the dam thing is done though. It's been hanging over my head all quarter. One more test in that class, and I can write off the whole experience of that class. Thank you god for letting me survive another speech!

happy, happy! joy! joy!

The rain has stopped, and the clouds have parted. A ray of pure sunshine strikes my perfect moment... I got the call. THE call. I did in fact get the internship. YES! Apparently they didn't call me last week because of two of the managers each of whom thought they'd called me to give me the good news. Yes, yes... uhhhh, yes. I can't tell you what a relief this is to me. I was seriously beginning to wonder if I just suck in person. They all sit around saying that I look good on paper, but they don't' actually want to work with me.

Things just feel like they're getting better and better to me. I've been in a blue funk for weeks, but school will be over in a few weeks, I got the internship, I tested out of two French courses and my current job is going great, too. My boss wants me to work on an outside project with him designing a web site. Which is great because I really don't' have a recent web site to add to my portfolio. PLUS, he's giving me a crack at redesigning the company's logo. It may not go anywhere, but I'm flattered he's letting me try.

grandeous dreams

You know everyonce in a while (like now) I read a book of essays. Recently published, amusing, almost anecdotal in nature. And I think to myself, hey I could do that. I could write a book of essays. I've got tons to say. I'm way interesting in my head, so I'm sure that'll translate to paper quite simply... Then I get here and stare at a blank screen. I finger the keyboard a little, my eyes roam around a while. I purse my lips and sometimes make a silly little noise as if I need to break the tension. Finally I'll settle on a loose little topic and hope the genius will just poor right out of me. Hardly genius, I know. But I guess you get what you pay for on a blog. Maybe I need a tape recorder. I'm funnier on the fly. As quickly as I type, there is still a thought delay. Maybe I just suck on delay. Can you still be an author if you use a tape recorder instead of a keyboard or pen? I'd like to think so. That way there's still hope for me. I can keep the dream alive a little longer.

I liked having an image yesterday to post, so I'm posting something else I'm working on for work. It's still in progress and needs some serious additions made, but I like it. I don't say that often about my work, so it's a bit of a deal for me.

a first for everything

This is a first for me. I designed a mailing piece for work and they aren't going to run it because it looks too good. It's too professional for a government institution they said. As a government, non-profit we aren't allowed to look like we're trying to compete with companies like AT&T and the private sector companies. Someone actually said something I designed would look like something a major company would put out. While on the one hand, I feel very complimented... I'm also hurt because the week of work is down the tubes and no one will ever see it. I may keep it for the old portfolio, but it will forever be tainted for me. I'd hate to put something that didn't run into my portfolio. I love that all my stuff in there is actually stuff that went through the whole approval process and still came out on the other end looking good...

Here's the front and back. Now I don't actualy think it looks like an AT&T piece, but someone did....

alone in the weeds

What's happened?! All of my blogging buddies seem to have bailed on me. I admit I've been lapse myself, but here I am trying to keep the dream alive. If this is something we all given up on, just let me know so I can quit too. I mean it's 12:43am. I've had a really long day. I worked and had classes all day and then I stayed at work until after 9pm doing homework. Now here I am about to call it a day, but I figured I needed to sent out emails and update the old blog. But if we're done. We're done. All fads come to an end. Everybody's released their pet rock back in to the wild... we've forgotten the steps to the electric slide... there is no use in trying to fight the dying of the light. I'm going to keep this up for a little while longer, but I don't like being here all by myself you know...

a good time was had by all

My interview went well yesterday. I felt good all dressed up, but I wouldn't want to do that everyday. Dress pants and pointy shoes make me feel like I've just gotten a makeover on What Not to Wear. Seriously though, the interview seemed to go well. I hopefully will hear from them next week sometime. They were very impressed with my portfolio and I was told by the head of their department that my "typography is very good" which means I make type look good. I was also complimented on my writing skills because I wrote some of the copy myself.

Mother's day is coming up. I need to go and work on my homework for next week. I think I'll be visiting with my mom this weekend and I need to get a jump start on my projects....

interview

Well, I don't have to go to work today. I will be getting dressed up and going to an interview instead. I am interviewing for a summer internship. Why does it have to be so humid today? My hair is not cooperating with me today -especially when I want it to look sleek and professional. Instead, my hair has decided to flip out. I hate that. I feel like Gidget with a bubble flip. I'll try to tame it when I go home to change after class, but I'm sure I'll be unable to contain it.

Wish me luck.

rumors

Well, don't believe the rumors people! I am still breathing. I know I've seemed to drop off the face of the Earth, but I've clawed my way back on.

It's been a busy week. A few tests, a paper and the homework keeps coming. I am really looking forward to summer. All is well for the most part in my neck of the woods. I'm hoping to hear from McGraw-Hill about an appointment for an interview for one of their summer internships. Since I haven't really made the time to apply for anymore internship, I'm really putting all my eggs in one basket. Please cross all fingers and any toes you are able for me.

My plans for tonight is to work on a short paper for homework - only 1-3 pages. It's going to be sort of an outline for the speech I have to give later in the month. Yuck. A messy house, a sick full of dirty dishes, laundry and this paper. Being in college is just as glamorous as I remember....

taking the punishment

It's day two of the the consequences of not doing homework over the weekend. I have a 4 page paper due tomorrow that I haven't started. So I'm staying late at work and working on it here. The husband needs the comptuer room tonight for a paper of his own and staying at work is better than dragging myself off to a lab. At least at work I have my trusty sidekick, my foot rest. And if you know me, you know a footrest is VERY important.

Off I go. Much work to do.... maybe I'll check my email first....

waves of apathy

What a lazy student I am. I can't even update this blog more than once a week now. I could make the time, I suppose. I'm letting down the "fans." I've been reading too much and playing video games too much. I'm not focusing on my school work very much. I'm doing well in my classes, but I feel guilt and stress because I'm doing stuff at the last minute. This week a wave of apathy has struck me big time. There I was progressing through the quarter very well. I was doing my homework on time or early and I was looking into internships. Now I've let everything slip. I haven't applied for any internships besides one. I need to get a grip!

I can't wait for this quarter to be over so I can just work! To have evenings and weekends guilt free! Oh, I can't wait.

Ann

language

Greetings all. I hope you all had a good weekend. I had a pretty good one. I was excited on Sunday when I realized the test I hadn't studied yet for was not, in fact, this Monday (today). It is actually next Monday. I can goof off for a whole nother week! I got most of my homework done over the weekend though. I have some drawings due tomorrow I have to work on tonight, but at least I started it. It should only take me a few hours tonight. It was such a lovely weekend.... I miss it already.

I was Silent Hill on Saturday with my man. I don't actually like scary movies, but I've played the game, and he wanted to see it. I tried to explain to him that a game is a totally different entity from a movie. I can pause a game when I get scared or turn it off or wait for daylight to play it. I can't turn off a movie in the theater when I get scared. (LibrarianVJ should not fall for the trick that it's an "adventure" movie. Don't let your man try to trick you with that one again!)

I've made a big decision over the weekend. I think I'm going to pursue a Bachelor of Arts degree instead of a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree. The upside is that I should be done in (I'm guessing) 5 quarters. The downside is that I have to take a foreign language. It'll be French since I took that in college. 4 quarters of a language. gag me. The Fine Arts would have taken a little over two years!

caught up & stressed out

Well I wrote my paper and for nearly 14 hours I have enjoyed the feeling of being all caught up. It is of course a temporary feeling because I am in classes today and am getting new homework assignments. C'est la vie. That's life.

I am feeling a bit stressed today about a second issue though. I'm not complaining, but I am stessing a bit. I love my current job. I work 20 hours a week doing cool things. I design logos, letterheads, signage and wall displays. awesome. And when I'm not busy at work, no one cares if I'm on the internet or checking my email. However, I need a second job for the summer... preferably an internship doing graphic design. My number one prority is to KEEP my current job because it's awesome. But I think I may have a solid line on an internship working in the graphic production department of a MAJOR publishing company. It would be a great opportunity if for no other reason than to have their heavy-hitter name written on my resume. BUT they are asking that I work 30-40 a week. I want this job, but not at the expense of my current one. I need to talk to my current boss today and see if he's willing to be flexible with my summer hours. If I can get him to cut my hours to 15 and let me work until 6pm, I think I swing both jobs. I'll talk with my boss when I go into work later today. I hope this goes well.

I'm getting a stress headache.

behind on my homework

I hate being in this situation. I have homeword due tomorrow that I haven't started yet. It's not a big, big assignment but it should take a few hours to do. I just want to go home after a day of work and classes and goof off. Is that too much to ask?! I should have done this stupid thing over the weekend. It's not stupid; I just wish I'd done it early.

organic is in fact a good idea

So for my pursuasive speech/paper, I have chosen to try to pursuade my audience to buy organic produce. (I'm not asking them to go whole hog on the organic thing. This is a baby step in the right direction.) I chose this topic because I didn't really know anything about the subject. I figured it would be interesting enough research, and if I could convince myself, maybe I'll be able to convice others.

I have to say that my research really has opened my eyes. I think I'm going to try to by more organic type stuff. Now due to the fact that money is in question, I won't be able to blindly shop at more expesive stores and such. Hopefully though I can try to start a little better. Over the last year, I've been embracing the idea of buying stuff with few chemicals whenever possible anyway. Let me give you an example: I like to buy pancake mix. You can get one that says "just add water," but it has a laundry list of ingredients you can't pronounce. OR for less money you can buy the box that has you add milk and an egg. It's has a much, much shorter list of those chemical words you can't pronounce. Who doesn't have one egg floating around the kitchen anyway.

In a pure coincidence, I also visited an area natural foods store. Some work friends asked if I'd like to make a smoothie run, and of course I said yes. Who can resist a good smoothie on a warm day? Not me. Well my friend took me to a nearby natural foods store, where I purchased an all organic smoothie. The store was very nice and had a "friendly" feeling. I'm thinking I'll check out the store this weekend for my grocery run. I'm sure it will be too expensive to get everything there, but I thought I'd make a small trip to check it out.

a lot on my plate

I am really looking forward to summer, but there is just so much I have to do in the mean time! First of all classes and homework are really cutting into my "me" time. Plus I have to make some appointments to meet with people. I need to get my major and class schedule finalized. Since I am creating my own degree, I need to decide what classes I want to take, which department I want to be associated with, plus I need 4 people to agree with my course of action. I've spoken with two advisors already.

My first decision is this. Do I want a B.F.A. or a B.A. Bachelor of Fine Arts or Bachelor of Arts. Sounds like the same thing, but it's not my friends. The B.F.A. will take 2 years and has to be mostly studio classes - all of my general stuff would be done though. Studios are a lot of work but more fun. Now the B.A. would be 1.5 years of classes. I could take almost anything I want, BUT I'd need 4 quarters of a language! It's been 10 years since I took a language. So here's the question: IS IT WORTH THE LANGUAGE TO BE DONE A QUARTER OR TWO EARLY? Let's all remember too that college language is a lot more advanced than my little high school experience. C's do get degrees though.... I don't know what to do....

PLUS, I've started my summer job search. I figure all the good jobs are taken early so I didn't want to wait. I will still be working 20 hours a week at my current job, but I want to pick up another 20 hours a week somewhere else. I've updated my resume, and I have a really solid lead on a part-time job/internship with McGraw Hill publishing. There's a career fair Next Wednesday that I'm hoping to get some more leads on, too.

that sick feeling & republicans

I skipped my persuasive writing class on Monday... Man, oh, man do I wish I'd skipped today's instead. At the end of the term, I'm going to have to give a persuasive speech to the class. Fine, I understand; it was on the syllabus. Today though, the t.a. had us get up and give impromptu speeches on general topics so we could get used to getting up in front of the class. WHAT! I hate that. I hate it, hate, hate, hate it. Not only did I have to get up in front of everyone, but I felt unprepared as well. I had to give a 1-2 minute persuasive speech on the topic of trying to get everyone in the room to "buckle up their seat belt every time they get in the car." The topic was fine enough. It could have been worse, I could have drawn persuade the class "to eat tofu" or "buy Nascar tickets." I just hate that sick feeling I get when I stand in front of people to give a speech. I tried to give myself a little pep talk, but I found my heart was just racing while I was up there. Before I began I took a deep breath and told myself to relax, but it didn't slow the chest pounding down any. Bleh. I hate giving speeches.

(To Paul: Let's try to watch what we say about democrats now. In case you forgot, I'm one. We may or may not be flaky, but at least we try to see the world from more than one perspective. I don't make comments about republicans hiding behind the shield of religion as they try to take away my civil liberties, now do I... No, I don't.)

Wow, my blog got controversial all of a sudden. Please know that I don't mean any offense to anyone. I usually keep my political feeling to myself unless provoked.

take a trip

I know it is safe to write this because my mom doesn't turn on her computer much any more. The odds are clearly in my favor that she'll never see this... Even if she did I practically said all this to her over the phone anyways...

She just frustrates me sometimes. I know I can be flaky, and I know exactly which parent gave me that quality. (I define flaky, as a adjective describing a person who has positive intentions with zero follow through, yet the zero follow through doesn't actually bug you that much because they are soo positive about it. Does that make sense?) She told me she was coming the weekend after my first week of classes to visit me. She never shows, and I get no phone call. Then this weekend she calls and asks if I'm coming to Easter. Well, I have a paper due the day after Easter so I know I will want the day to start/finish/whatever it. She sounds all disappointed like I let her down and tries to guilt me a little about it. Then she gets all excited and says she'll bring Easter to my house! (In type it's a little hard to express how excited this thought made her. Her voice went up in an epiphany type way....) I know she thought this would make it easy for me, but having an apartment full of guests for the day does not actually free up my day to write. In fact it would mean I'd be spending Saturday cleaning instead of writing too. So then her voice sounded all sad. Her disappoint was clear. I felt like I let her down or something. Mom's are great at guilt trips, man.

weekend update

Why is it that as soon as I have homework I really don't want to do, I start thinking about all the household chores I should be doing? At least the house gets a little cleaner on a Saturday afternoon... No progress on the homework though. My goal is not to be doing it at midnight on Sunday...

are you tired too?

As much as I'm loving daylight savings time. I feel so tired this week. I'm going to bed earlier and earlier. I got a solid 8 hours last night and feel a little druggy today. Of course I just got out of the most boring class ever. That could have something to do with it I suppose. At least I got out early so I could update this blog and write some email. So it could be worse. Truly though it can always get worse.

After work tonight I am going to go to the campus library. I need to figure out how to find books and journal articles for my persuasive paper due in two weeks. I'm just going to go and fall on the mercy of the librarian at the information desk. I haven't had a research paper since I was a freshman. And I think we all know how long ago that was for me. If I have to I'll ask Librarianvj, but I want to at least TRY to get the information on my own first.

mining for gold

OH, my GOD! I'm sitting in my photoshop class and this guy across from me can't get his finger out of his nose. He's been mining for gold the whole class! Oh, he's trying to be subtle, but it's so obvious he's picking! I am so grossed out right now. You'd think by this time he'd either find what he's looking for or give up!